Thoughts on Turning 49 and the Tunnel of Love

 

            
Music finds us. It finds us at the right time and place. Last year for me it was the album, Like a Rock, from Bob Seeger. This year it has been, Tunnel of Love, from Bruce Springsteen. I have the tape and have been listening to it again and again as I cook. Tunnel of Love is an overlooked gem from Bruce. For me it was overlooked because it came out after Born in the USA, and is nothing like that album. I wasn’t ready for it at that time in my life. Tunnel of Love is a quieter more reflective album. It was written and recorded as Bruce was going through a divorce, and wrestles with themes of what true love is about. It is different from the other songs of Bruce about love and longing. It is more mature.* I suppose this is why it is speaking to me. Because love is not easy. The older I get the more I see how difficult it is to love and be loved.

            In the song, “One step up”, Bruce sings, “When I look at myself I don't see the man I wanted to be. Somewhere 'long the line I slipped off track.” When I was young I had lots of ideas about how life would be, about who I would be. In many ways my life has exceeded my expectations. But I am also well aware of my short comings. I am well aware of all the ways I have fallen short to live up to what that younger version of myself had hoped for me.

            Every generation feels that we can do better than the last. We believe we will correct their sins, and sometimes in doing that we create our own. I will often think about the choices I have made with regard to how I am a father, husband, son, brother, pastor. In many ways I am proud of how I have done those things. But in other ways I know I have fallen short. I could or should have done things differently.

            For example, my parents would always fight putting up the Christmas tree and putting up the tent before camping. I swore I would never fight during those two times. And I can say that Vicki and I have never had a fight during those two times. In fact, while putting up the Christmas tree we have a really wonderful tradition of having a drink and making nachos. It is a way to make the event more relaxed and fun. But the truth is we fight over other things. I wonder what my kids will say someday about us. What will be the thing they will swear not to do? What will be the ways they try to do better than us? What will be the thing that will trip them up? What are the things I am passing on to them that are unhelpful and harmful?

            I also realize that as I get older that I am who I am. The core of who I am is not going to change that much. In the song, “Brilliant Disguise”, Bruce sings, “So when you look at me
you better look hard and look twice. Is that me, baby Or just a brilliant disguise?” As you get older your friends and those that love see you through all of the failed attempts to hide your true self. They see who you are warts and all. What I am constantly amazed at is that despite my flaws people love me anyway. That is the wonderful thing about growing older your relationships only deepen. Those relationships are now based on real things, and real people. True love requires this of us to see each other as we really are.

            I think this is Bruce point in the songs on Tunnel of Love. Love has to be about more than simply wanting to be with someone because you are attracted to them. It has to go deeper. It has to be about loving someone through and because of their imperfections. I know how imperfect I am, and that is why I need love. It is what I am so thankful for today. I am glad to enter into the tunnel of love. Even with all of the contradictions and difficulties. I am glad that people have loved me even through my brilliant disguise. The truth is that I am blessed that Vicki and I have built a life together that is sometimes messy and complicated, but it is always ours for better or worse. I pray my children will find their own way through this world. That they will know they are loved, that they know life is always imperfect and filled with grace. I pray that they will have friends that love them through their imperfections. I pray they will know how much they are loved. I pray that they will feel as blessed as I feel. At the end of the day that is what comes through in these last 49 years how much people have loved me and loved me in a real way. As I turn 49 that is what I am left with thankfulness for all of that love. Thanks to all those who love me in this world!

 

49 Birthday Playlist

 

Into Giants – Patrick Watson

You – Benny Bianco, Marshmellow, and Vance Joy

Instant Karma – U2 (cover)

Tougher Than the Rest – Bruce Springsteen

How Dare You Want More – Bleachers

Dealer – Lana Del Ray

Pass It On – Ryan Hurd

One Step Up – Bruce Springsteen

We Can’t Make It Here – James McNurty

Across the River – Bruce Hornsby and the Range

Shame on the Moon – Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band

You Oughta Know – Alanis Morissette

The Haves – Eddie Vedder

Lighting People – Johnny Marr

Love Her Madly – The Doors

Don’t Be Cruel – Billy Swan

Tomorrow – Waxahatchee

Follow – Richie Havens

You’re All I Need to Get By – Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell

Painkillers – Kitten Surprise

Hello it’s Me – Todd Rundgren

Everything Reminds Me That You’re Gone – Buck Owens and His Buckaroos

Can’t Rely On You – Paloma Faith

Plastic Jesus- Tia Blake

Brilliant Disguise – Bruce Springsteen

My Opening Farewell – Jackson Browne

No Such Thing – John Mayer

Wanted Dead or Alive – Bon Jovi

Both Sides Now – Emilia Jones

 

*My sister Jen went to see Bruce as he toured for this album. At the time I was not jealous because I didn’t care for this album. She was older and knew the importance of the themes that Bruce sings about. She told me that at the concert Bruce sang Born to Run, in the way it was on the album. Then he told that audience, “that is how I used to feel about love, but it has changed. I see it as more complex.” He then sang Born to Run again but much slower and more complex. I love that idea that a song can be more than one thing depending on how it is sung, and it changes the meaning. It also shows the mindset that Bruce was in during this album and tour.

Concordia Lutheran Church March 6, 2022

Concordia Lutheran Church Ash Wednesday 2022

Concordia Lutheran Church February 27, 2022

Concordia Lutheran Church worship February 20, 2022

Racism in the ELCA

 

As I write this, I am quarantining with COVID. At the same time I am sitting in the ugliness of racism within the denomination I serve: The Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (ELCA). The particular issue on my mind is too complicated go into within this post. Instead, I will provide links where you can read up on it.

During these last two years these are two things that have made this time difficult — Racism and COVID. With the killing of George Floyd many white people began to see what we have been told has been going on for years. In my life I have made the choice to be intentional about being around people that don’t look like me. It is a sign of my privilege that I get to make that choice. After college I served in City Year in a school in Roxbury. I got to serve alongside people of color. During my four years at seminary in Philadelphia, I had the privilege of serving for a time in two congregation of color. In one, I was a field education student at a Latine church. In the other, I was the Intern in a Black church. I have been a witness to systemic racism.

I saw up close at those congregations how racism effects the lives of people of color. I have seen racism at work in ways I probably wouldn’t have seen because of the personal relationships I have been privileged to have. I have taken classes. I’ve read books. I have educated myself. Often times I find myself getting totally frustrated at seeing the same cycles of racism play out over and over again. It is frustrating that other White people can’t see it, or don’t want to see it. It is frustrating that we, again and again, see racism as simply something that happens on some kind of individual basis and not understood as something that is systematic and systemic. I know that writing these words — that there is systemic racism — will make some readers mad and there will a quickness to disagree. However, I must say these words. I have to keep trying again and again to explain what I’m seeing because until we can all understand how racism is systemic, we will be stuck.

Every year the New England Synod holds a conference for pastors and deacons in the fall. It is a time to hear from our bishop, a guest speaker, and to catch up with each other. One year (2014) the topic was racism. It was just after the killing of Michael Brown. There were protests and the Black Lives Matter movement had just started. The ELCA’s Presiding Bishop, Elizabeth Eaton, was with us. She shared with us that she had heard from a member of her staff about all the indignities that Black people had to face in the world and was appalled. So she wanted to talk about racism. Like many White people she had discovered there was racism in our country and couldn’t believe it. When the time came for question and answers, someone asked her and the other two synodical Bishops (both were White) where they had seen racism in the ELCA. They couldn’t answer the question. Another brave pastor gave them another chance by asking them to clarify their answer. Again, they couldn’t do it. 

You see the problem? The White leadership of the ELCA doesn’t even know what racism is or what it looks like! How are we ever going to fix the problem? How did I know that they didn’t answer the question? I confirmed it with the person of color who originally asked them. You see, what the bishops in that moment had thought was the problem was this: There’s just a few bad apples in the ELCA who are racists. They failed to be able to realize that the problem goes far beyond any individual.

Here is how I would have answered that question:

1. Far more often than not, it has taken People Of Color (POC) longer to get calls in the ELCA. I saw this with classmates who graduated with me from seminary.
2. Typically, the calls POC get have paid less. Again I have seen this.
3. POC have often felt pigeonholed into calls at city churches. Let me be clear that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a pastor in a city church if that is what the pastor feels God is calling them to do. We have often forced them into those calls because White churches in the suburbs don’t want POC as their pastors.
4. For a long time, the Church has been just plain wrong about how it defines whitch places are cities, by asking questions like: Are there people of color who live there? Are there drugs? Is there crime? But that is all wrong. What makes something a city is the number of people who live in that place That is it.
5. Throughout the years, some in our congregations have talked about the worship styles of POC as being inauthentic. For so many White ELCA Christians, their belief is that everyone has to worship the same way for it to be worship. I have heard so many White Lutherans talk about how important it is to have an organ for worship, or how you can’t do this thing or you have to do that thing. In other words the only way to worship is from a White European understanding. I know that for many POC, this is offensive. Having worshipped in Latine congregations and Black congregations over the years, I know that Lutherans can worship in a variety of ways. We have not done a good job of teaching what Lutherans really think about worship (that is a whole other post).
6. The ELCA wants POC in our church, but the message being received by so many POC is that it can only be on our terms. Only if they are willing to become, “like us.” By and large, White people in the ELCA haven’t shown interest in having authentic relationships with POC where we grow together. Often times, what POC have with the ELCA are paternalistic relationships. This is offensive to POC. The ELCA’s overwhelmingly White majority doesn’t want to hear about the ways our Church fails to see racism. There doesn’t seem to be the faith and commitment to repent and to turn another way.

These are just a few ways we have systemic racism in the ELCA. This is what we need our leaders — pastors and bishops — to come to both understand and be able to articulate. I have no doubt that there are far more examples of how racism in the ELCA is a systemic problem. We should listen to POC in the ELCA and invite them to name other ways. For me, this is not at all about assessing blame. It’s not about making people feel bad about racism. It’s about the truth. It’s about naming the powers and principalities that are in our midst. Ultimately, this is about confession and reconciliation. It is about living together in the kingdom of God.

I believe that our Presiding Bishop and all our bishops are good people.  I simply want the people who have been set apart to lead our Church to do the hard work of knowing what racism is so they can lead us into a more just — and truly diverse — Church. Not diversity for its own sake — but diversity because that is what the kingdom of God really looks like. I am still learning, and I hope our Bishops are too. I am confident that we can continue to learn and grow together as long as we have ears to hear, and eyes to see.

 Read about what is happening here:

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ecopreacher/2021/12/removal-rev-rabell-gonzalez-case-study-elca-corruption-racism/

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ecopreacher/2021/12/elca-fires-whistleblower-rev-nelson-rabell-gonzalez/

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ecopreacher/2021/12/nda-church-attempt-silence-rev-nelson-rabell-gonzalez/

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ecopreacher/2022/01/why-elca-needs-to-investigate-case-rev-nelson-rabell-gonzalez/

https://www.patheos.com/blogs/ecopreacher/2022/01/pastor-nelsons-spouse-speaks-year-of-pain/

https://revhazel.wordpress.com/2021/12/18/posada-a-journey-of-heartbreak-through-systemic-racism/?fbclid=IwAR1fdZck0Mh2TAgS6az9Fvjb0Vml9HyCgsRm0ogNtNwlUCHFtfq2mT4DZvo

https://www.facebook.com/105264387585222/posts/637894400988882/

https:/https://mailchi.mp/demdsynod.org/e0m2wlm18g/www.facebook.com/239468866169406/posts/4575109515938631/

https://myemail.constantcontact.com/A-Pastoral-Letter-on-Anti-Racism-and-Inclusion.html?soid=1101692935023&aid=OecaCdkwdX0&fbclid=IwAR0AAzsseCAbXI33_DDvdlfvClEUGqMTFZhXgQQR750sQMQkonR79_SWZNc

https://www.ebar.com/news/latest_news//311629

Concordia Lutheran Church's worship February 13, 2022